The other day I was down. Blue. Depressed. Pissed off. It seemed I couldn’t catch a break, that every time I felt like life was settling down, life would hit me again. Hard. I’m sick of people coming to the door with bad news. I swear I go through PTSD every time some one has a bad look cross their face.
Of course, I wanted to blog about it. I was sick of being positive, of looking on the bight side. I was sick of always trying to be happy and not let things get me down.
I was down right angry. And I wanted to blog about every single awful thing that’s happened to me in the last year or so. I wanted to rant and wine and complain. I wanted to wallow and feel sorry for myself.
I told myself that I’d redeem the angry blog post by immediately posting about all my blessings. I just wanted this one moment of self misery.
I sat on it for a day or two, trying to find time to write the pity party. Then, I decided, what good would that do? All that would accomplish would be wallowing in my own misery and inviting others to wallow with me. Nothing good comes from complaining, so why do it?
So, I’m skipping the rant and going straight to the blessings.
Because I have SO MANY BLESSINGS.
Family– Family that loves me. Family that’s close by. Family that’s done so much for me. In-laws that love me and take care of me like I was there own. I couldn’t survive without family.
Friends– FRIENDS. FRIENDS. FRIENDS. They are my sanity. My middle of the day salvation. My drop everything and cheer me up. My lunch buddies. My distractions. I couldn’t survive without friends.
The gospel– Where would I be without the gospel? Where would I be without the plan of salvation and my testimony of a loving Father in Heaven and a life after death? Where would I be without eternal marriage? I’ve read about other widows without faith. I’ve met and talked to other widows without a belief of heaven. I’ve seen the difference. The spirit is what comforts me. What helps me be happy in the face of my trials. My testimony of the Savior is what keeps me going. I couldn’t survive without the gospel.
Leah– I swear, if I didn’t have a daughter who needed to be fed, needed to be dressed and needed her butt wiped, I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed for three months. Even now, there are days when she’s the only reason I’m up. (Even though I’ve taught her to make her own breakfast and how to work the T.V.–Dragon Tails is my best friend in the early morning.) She’s a sweet heart. She’s so fun and so happy. I love her more then anything. I don’t know what I’d do without my favorite little girlfriend. There is something special about a Daughter. I’m so grateful I get to be a Mom–I get to be HER Mom. I’m pretty lucky.
Brad– I got to be married for six years to the most amazing man ever. He taught me so much. He supported me in everything. I am a better person because I know him. I’m still trying every day to improve myself and be better because of him. Because of him, I met so many great people and I get to be part of an amazing family. I get to have him for eternity. I promised him I would live the rest of my life, so that I’ll be worthy of him when I finally get to heaven. I was a lucky girl when my big brother tricked me in to going on a date with him. :)
This country– God bless the USA. That’s all that needs to be said. We’re blessed to live here. Let’s not ever forget it.
My hobbies– I don’t have them like Brad did that’s for sure, but my hobbies are some of my life’s little joys. I love to work at something and see myself improve. I love to accomplish something fun. For a while, I was trapped in motherhood– baby food dripping from my hair and dozens of dirty diapers. When I found some hobbies that I was passionate about, that I could take a break from life and do something just for ME, I was a happier wife and a happier mother.
My computer– Silly that I’m so dependent on this little white thing on my lap. It’s my entertainment, my creative outlet, my brian, my connection to friends and the world. I seriously couldn’t live with out my computer. :) Oh, and I’m grateful that I chose to buy a Mac instead of a PC when I was making the big decision. Never regretted it once.
My dog– I'm especially grateful for him lately. He's such a good boy. He loves our family. Leah adores him. Brad loved him. He was Brad's puppy, his camping buddy, his bird hunting buddy. He still misses Brad. He used to look all over for him, he still does sometimes. He really is such a good companion. An awful guard dog, but a good dog.It's strange how attached we become to these animals.
Utah– I love this place. Even the awful winters can’t make me hate this place. It’s home. It’s where my family is. Everyone that lives here that wines and complains about how terrible it is, about how much they hate it can just go back to California. (Not hating the Californians, but I swear everyone is from Cali and they hate Utah.) Maybe then, we wouldn’t have so many cookie cutter sub-divisions going up and could have some actual land. --- ooh, that was a rant. Not to hate, I love my friend that are from Cali. The two of you that I have in mind can just stay here. :)
Comforts– I have a home. I have a job. I have a car. I can put gas in that car. I buy us food. We have clothes. We have toys. We are warm. We are safe. We are healthy. We are protected. There are so many who are without the basic necessities. I have them. I have things I don’t even need. Life’s not perfect, but I’ve met women who are widowed and homeless. That puts the struggle of being a widow and a single mother in a whole different perspective.
Next time, life decides to punch me in the face again, I’ll have to come to this list and read it over and over and add to it.
And, I swear the next time someone comes to my door with THAT LOOK on their face, we’re running far away. You can’t give me bad news if you can’t find me :)
