Strange

Sometimes I do dumb things. Like sit with a scrapbook or read back through my blog posts. Sometimes those dumb things make me weepy. I remember the memories with Brad, I remember the acute pain of loosing him. I’ve been doing it to myself lately, as I’ve been trying to journal some of the experiences I had during the time of Brad’s death and the awful story of his accident. 

Today was strange. I went back through Facebook - since it now has the super cool, sometimes annoying timeline, and read through the posts on my wall in the days following Brad’s death. “So sorry for your loss.”  “You are in my prayers.” Over and over and over. The words themselves were almost meaningless, (don’t feel bad, there’s is never anything to say) but the small profile picture next to the generic sentiment is what touched me. Wow. So many people care. So many people hurt for my family. So many people love me. I’m so blessed. 

This time, though, as I immersed myself back into those awful days, it didn’t make me cry. 

Strangely it made me happy. 

Because it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. And because, before, when I tried to look across my future I couldn’t see anything–Just a dark brick wall right before my eyes. 

Now? I see a bright future with lots of possibilities. A future that excites me. 

I see how much God loves me and that his plan for me was never to be miserable forever. His plan is for me to be happy. And to find happiness in the midst of trails. To learn that I can be happy despite what has happened to me. To accept. To move forward with faith. Faith that God’s hand is always in my life. Faith that he loves me and has great things in store for me. Faith that the unanswerable questions will all be taken care of one day. 

Life is pretty darn good. 

P.S. Yes. I’m dating someone. Yes. He’s freaking amazing.