Like every other little detail in my life, music has changed. Since Brad’s death, all I want to listen to is country. Yea, the stupidest type of music I could have on. Don’t get me wrong, I love country. Always have. Always will. It’s the stupidest music to listen to because it bring everything out in the front of my mind. I should listen to rap or heavy metal-something that doesn’t make me think of Brad.
I’m drawn to music that has real meaning, music that has heart. Every other type of music seems just pointless to me right now.
There are several songs that I really like, but hardly ever listen to, because it’s painful. The lyrics mean something to me, though. They speak my feelings better than I could ever put to words.
I Won’t Let Go
Rascall Flats
It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It’s breaks your will
It feels like that
You think your lost
But your not lost on your own
Your not alone
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
If you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go
It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all
And we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let you fall
Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I wont let you down
It wont get you down
Your gonna make it
Yea I know you can make it
Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go
Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I wont let go
Wont let you go
No I wont
This is one of those songs that I usually have to turn off. The first time I listened to it in it’s entirety, I of course bawled my eyes out. To me, this is Brad’s words. Brad’s words to me, to Leah, to his Mom & Dad, his whole family. I know that he will stand by us all.
She Didn’t Have Time.
Terri Clark
He said goodbye from the edge of the porch
Like she'd been some casual friend
He said "You're better off without me, I'm not what you need" like her momma had said about him
He started the car pulled out of the drive didn't waste anytime lookin back
She watched him go thinkin even a stranger would show more compassion than that
[Chorus:]
She could've cried but she didn't have time
She had a baby to feed, a pink blanket to find, to rock their little one to sleep
She could've laid in bed for hours giving misery the power
But she didn't have time
She got a sitter and she got a job 'cause she had a promise to keep
Her day was a factory and evenin survival and night was exhaustion and sleep
Sometimes she felt life was passing her by and watching was all she could do
Her friends said "You gotta get outta the house and maybe you'll meet someone new"
[Chorus:]
She could've tried but she didn't have time
She had a five years old to feed, she had ballet class, piano lessons and t-ball little league
She could've laid awake for hours giving lonely nights the power
But she didn't have time
Not time, where would she find the time to trust a man again
Not time, for that flat tire, a crowded parking lot and then,
Not time, but yes have coffee with the man that got her tire fixed
She was thinking "Gosh, he's handsome"
When he asked
"Do you have kids?"
She could've lied but she didn't have time, all she said was "She's five"
He said "I saw the car seat, I love kids, does she have your eyes"
And they sat and talked for hours givin destiny its power
She could've been afraid to fall in love that night
But she didn't have time
She could've been afraid to fall in love that night
But she didn't have time
The chorus of this song is my life exactly. “I could’ve cried, but I didn’t have time.” Sometimes I feel like I’m so overly busy that I don’t have time to cry, to mourn, to really feel everything. At times I think that’s a good thing. I’m scared of what will happen when it all goes to away. When I don’t have a full schedule, I’ll have nothing to do but miss Brad.
Without You
Keith Urban
| I’ve loved you since the very first day When I caught you looking my way A smile and just knew it. Aint open to you came along, no one ever my song, Now its climbing with a bullet. Its nice to have someone, so honestly devoted, That when it’s said and done, girl I hope you know that, The travelling, the singing, it don’t mean nothing without you The fast cars, the guitars, they are all just second to, This life, this love that you and I have been dreaming of, for so long It’d all be as good as gone, without you. Oh ho, without you, hey... Along comes a baby girl, and a suddenly my little world, Just got a whole lot bigger, yes it did. And people that I barely knew, love me ‘cos I’m part of you Man I start to figure How two souls can be, miles from one another But still you and me, have somehow found each other. The travelling, the singing, it don’t mean nothing without you The fast cars, the guitars, they are all just second to, This life, this love that you and I have been dreaming of, for so long It’d all be as good as gone, without you. Without you, ohhhh ho ho Without you I’d survive, but I’d have to have a notion That I could live this life, just going through the motions The traveling, the singing, it don’t mean nothing without you The fast cars, the guitars, they are all just second to, This life, this love that you and I have been building up so high It’s never gonna touch the sky, without you. Mmmm, without you Without you, baby, baby, baby without you Without you. |
Yeah. This song. This song sucks. I went to the Academy of Country Music awards with my family last month. At first I was beyond giddy. Brad Paisley performed with Alabama. Carrie Underwood sang with Steven Tyler. It was overly amazing. Then Keith Urban came out and sang this song.
Yup.
There I was decked out, looking all sorts of hot and country, sobbing uncontrollably on my mother-in-law’s shoulder.
The words to this are everything. Our life together was awesome. Now I have all the “things” left. The trips-the house-the hunting-the toys. And it means nothing now.
What really matters to you? What can you live without? Do you care too much about money, nice clothes, cool toys, the best jobs? I know at times I’m guilty of that, for sure. And now I could care less. I’d give it all up. I’d live in a shack in the woods if I could have him back.
Okay enough preaching. Let’s just say that this song doesn’t play on my radio very much.
Hush now baby don't you cry
Rest your wings my butterfly
Peace will come to you in time
And I will sing this lullaby
Know though I must leave, my child
That I would stay here by your side
And if you wake before I'm home
Remember this sweet lullaby
I’ll love you through darkness
Don’t you ever stop believing
With love, and faith,
and with God you’ll find your way
My child
The world has turned the day to dark
I leave this night with heavy heart
When I return to dry your eyes
I will sing this lullaby
I’ll love you till forever
And I’m always by your side
With love, and faith
And with God you’ll find your way
My child.
Yes I will sing this lullaby
Leah has always asked for this song. Since Brad died, I envisioned him singing these words to her. She now calls it her Daddy Lullaby.
1 comment:
Music is so powerful. It has the ability to completely change my mood and express what my heart is feeling but I don't have the words to say.
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