Let me help you out

I know so many people who say they don’t know what to say to me. Believe me, I get it. I wouldn’t know what to say to someone, either. So, I’ve decided to help you out.

Know that I know that everyone is well meaning and sincere. So, if you’ve ever realized or worried that you might’ve said or done the wrong thing around me, please don’t worry. It’s hard to offend me, because I know that you’re well intentioned.

Please. Act normal around me!!!! It makes me more uncomfortable when I know people are deliberately acting different because I’m there.

Some people won’t talk about their husbands or even dare say the word.

Yes. Let’s be honest. Sometimes when you complain about your hubby or talk too much about him, it hurts my heart a little. So does commercials on TV and songs on the radio, and white dodge trucks and crunchy grapes at Maceys (Brad loved crunchy grapes) Understand that somethings you might say WILL hurt a little. That’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s something I have to get used to. You’re my friend and I want to hear about your life too. I’d rather you talk about your life, even if it’s a little painful for me, than you avoid the subject and get all weird.

Please talk to me about your problems. Friends will complain to me, even about trivial things, then freak out and apologize because they think they shouldn’t be complaining to me. Just because you’re problem might seem small in comparison to mine doesn’t make it anymore real in your life. You’re my friend. I want to hear what’s going on. I want to be someone you can talk to and lean on. Maybe I can help. Maybe I can just listen and sympathize and tell you how bad that sucks. Let’s face it, you don’t want to talk about my drama all the time. Neither do I.

Some people feel like if we’re talking about anything else but my drama it would offend me. Yes. My husband died. It’s the elephant in every room I enter. We don’t need to give it all our attention all the time.

On the other hand, I don’t mind if we do talk about it sometimes. Other people do anything to avoid the subject. I want to be around people that will allow me to say whatever I need to. We can be talking about the hot new actor on TV, then switch to my struggles, then on to our favorite food. Don’t be weird if I do talk about it. Sometimes, I just need to vent. Don’t be weird if I don’t talk about it. Just don’t be weird.

Don’t stress too much about saying the wrong thing. Most the time, there is nothing you can say to make it better. If you’re my close friend, someone who I feel comfortable around, I might allow myself to talk to you about things under the surface. Sometimes people say just the right thing at the right time. Sometimes friends help guide the conversation allowing me to understand some of my feelings even better than I did before. (you’re my free therapists) Sometimes all you can do is say, “that sucks.” I don’t mind. I feel that the spirit can guide conversations while we sit on the couch and the kids scream around us.

I know I blog a lot. Some people have marveled that I’ve put so much of my personal feelings on herr. Believe me, what’s on my blog is not too personal. The really private, personal stuff is held closely for my eyes only.

Every post I write, I think a lot about before I post. Some posts will never ever hit my blog. If I’ve decided to post it, or say something on facebook, it’s because I want my friends and family to know what I’m experiencing. NO. I don’t want attention, or pity. But I do NEED my friends and family. At times, I NEED people to know what I’m going through. I NEED people to reach out to me. Because I NEED help. By posting, friends and family are better at offering me the help I need, because you know what I’m dealing with at that time. Is that a cry for attention? Maybe. Who cares? I know that everyone cares about us and wants to help. I want you to, too. Scratch that-I NEED you to. I’d be even more crazy without you.

Don’t worry about not knowing what to say in a comment. Sometimes just knowing that people read it and care is all I need. It helps me to not feel so alone. Sometime your comments has been just the thing that gets me through that moment.

Also, I hope that by sharing my experience I can help someone else, in the same way that other widows blogs have helped me.

Please don’t get offended if I haven’t returned your call, your text, your message on Facebook or your invites to hang out. I’ve gotten each and every single one of them and they mean the world to me. Though the tornado has passed, I’m now dealing with the aftermath of it all. I’m still so overwhelmed and busy. Most the time, I work a few days a week and have something scheduled five to six nights a week. Leah and I have only ate dinner in our home maybe a dozen times, and I only cooked from scratch one of those meals. (Don’t get too impressed, it was spaghetti with canned sauce and frozen meatballs) Does that clue you in on how crazy my life feels?

So, please keep sending me messages. I’ll try to respond, but know that if I don’t I really, sincerely appreciate your thoughts and prayers. They mean the world to me. I feel less alone. And lets face it. I really need the prayers.